Almost 9 months!

I really can't believe almost 9 months have passed since Nathaniel has been part of our lives. It amazes me how much he has grown and how much our lives have changed.

He is now crawling all over the place. He loves to go to his book shelf and pull out all the books in the shelf. He loves to go to the DVD shelf and pull out all the DVD's. He loves to get a hold of the tissue box and take out all the tissue. He doesn't stay still for one minute. He is walking along the edges of everything and a couple of days ago he stood on his own for a few minutes.

He also enjoys eating. He is into everything and will eat insane amounts of food. He makes yummmm sounds when he eats and shakes his head happily. Shaking his head comes from this Korean trick babies learn. He also knows how to stick out his tongue when we stick it out. He also smacks his mouth when we do it. He is into gesturing, talking, screaming, and showing excitement when certain things happen.

I am loving being a new mom. I have to admit at times it's so difficult. There are days when I am exhausted and am in bed by 9:30. I really think it's different when you have your own kids. I constantly worry and think about Nathaniel's future. I hope that I will help shape my son's life in a positive way and help him build a solid foundation. I want him to be compassionate, humble, loving, caring, confident, smart, and most of all I want him to be a child of God.

There are so many more milestones to come. His first birthday will be here before I know it. It feels like times flies even faster as I get older. This week was move-in at USC and seeing all the new freshman made me think about the not too far college future for Nathaniel. OH man I am going to have a hard time letting go. But since that is still 18 years away, I will enjoy my baby as much as I can.

Five Years Later

WOW! Reading back on my old posts makes me realize how much life can change in five years. I am now married and a mom! Who would have thought life would be so different? Life then seemed so hard and directionless. Now- Nathaniel is part of my life and there is so much more to it than just work. In the past five years, I have earned a Master's degree from USC in Student Affairs, now my kid is almost 7 months old, and I love what I do. I have a wonderful, supportive husband and life has never been better.

The main reason I want to restart blogging is because I want to capture and remember moments and milestones that Nathaniel reaches. He is growing up so fast, and everyday is so different. I feel like if I don't capture these moments, I will somehow forget them.

Right now I love:

-How much Nathaniel smiles, laughs, and giggles
-How much he eats and that he truly enjoys food
-How he is trying to crawl and move
-How everything goes in his mouth
-How he pushes boundaries and tests limits
-How he recognizes mom and dad
-How much he loves going out and being outside

state of being

My last day of work was officially the 31st of July... I have been very busy after that running our vbs camp for the kids at our church... this is my first week that i feel like i'm really resting...

the feeling of not going to work... for a little bit at least.. makes me really happy.. i love the fact that that i can wake up whenever i want to.. and sleep whenever i want to.. hahaha.. i am no longer tied down to something... so that's good... i like just taking time off from the day to do the small things in life and really appreciate them... i think too many times we get way too caught up with our lives.. and forget to really live... forget to appreciate the simple things.. and forget about the most important things...

this week... i have just spent time running errands.. and just not doing much... i'm in riverside for the rest of the week because my sister is going to get her license... i hope she passes.. so i'm here to practice with her and to help her.... no one in her house is home... i like being home alone sometimes.. i love the peace and quiet.. and just having no one around is a good change from always having a full house...

this short vacation i have.. i want to do many things...my list of things to do:

-watch movies (lots of them)
-read books (lots of them)
-do something crazy that i would consider doing (still thinking of this one)
- travel
- meet up with friends that i haven't been able to meet

wow.. those all seem so boring.. hahaha.. what can i say?.. i'm a boring person.. haha... i just want to rest.. and relax.. i know two years of work doesn't seem like a lot.. but i think it was just too much for me... i've learned a lot from me first job.. and now i'm going into a whole different career... wow.. scary.. but really exciting at the same time... my life will be completely different a year from now on.. and that could be a very good thing... or not so very good... hahaha.. but knowing me.. it will probably be a good thing...

so many changes.. so many different emotions.. at times.. i feel like my l ife is flying by at a million miles per hour... i really do need to take time and stop and look.. and appreciate the simple things in life... my brother is coming back from Russia this saturday... i miss him and cannot wait to see him.... wow.. it's been a month already.. since he has left...

i want to be more creative.. more appreciative.. more caring.. more thoughtful.. i think too many times i just let things pass.. without any emotion or without any feeling... i'm ready.. ready to change.. ready for a new scene.. ready for something to be totally and completely different in my life...

by the way.. i got a job at usc... i will be starting soon.. i'm a trojan.. because of the job... now i will be applying to go to school at usc... june of next year... that makes me happy...

god is truly amazing and has shown me so much during this month... patience... and love... things i often times lack... things i often times just want to pass over really quickly... vbs with the kids was such a blessing... i love seeing the kids be changed.. and be led in a different direction.. i love the fact that they show love to each other and care for each other... they were so incredibly cute... the things they do... crack me up... seeing god working in their lives truly encourages me to be a better teacher and to love them more...

wow.. what a long entry... it's weird that now... in my mid 20's.. hahaha.. that is so weird to say... i'm going through this.. at times i feel like i have no direction in life.. or as if.. .things aren't working out like they're supposed to... but every time... god likes to remind me that he is in control.. and that he has mapped out and planned out every step of my life.. and in that i can take courage and comfort.. in that i can be ok.. and let him lead me...

Frustration

This whole week has been so slow. I think it is because i have been counting down the days until i leave. I have 6 more days of work and I am soooooo OUT of HERE!!. Yesterday I had a really bad day. It's just so frustrating, when my bosses come to me at like 4:50 and tell me to do a million things when they know that I get off at 5. WHY!!! it's just in their system, they think 4:59.. oh we must give jeymi things to do... so of course, yesterday like every other day that this happens, they told me to do a million things... i stayed in the office until 5:40 or so... SOOO SUCKY.... it's like the expect me to have no life, no nothing and just devote my time to them.. riight.. because i get paid sooo much for it?! they always expect me to do the impossible and pull out rabbits from my sleeves.. what is up with that!!! they always say: but you can do everything!... argggg... so yesterday i was very pist off... i was so mad that i was clenching my jaw.. and then my cheeks were hurting.. and to top things off i had to drive in traffic for another hour to get HOME!!! oh man.. my last day... i CANNOT WAIT

glo and i haven't been able to scrapbook, i think that's what makes me more cranky... i need to let out my stress in some way, and since we can't sb.. then i'm just keeping it all inside... hahaha..i sound like such a GEEK!... but oh well.. i can't wait until we start again... doing it by myself is just not the same.. i need her so i can feed of her creativity...and i can't wait until the convention.. seems like a million years away... but soon.. we should have new stuff to use.. YAY!!

the next few weeks are going to be crazy.. just leaving my job, trying to find a new one and trying to run vbs and do a million church stuff should be very interesting.. haha.. i need rest... rest never seems to come.. haha... waiting until august.. to be able to do nothing... and to sleep past 6:30am... that is my goal!!

Random

• I guess I should start out by saying that in college my roomate glo would bring this coffee mix thing from singapore.. that used to be really really sweet and we didn't like it at first but we became addicted to it later.. so since we have been out of college 2 years.. i have not had that coffee.. today I get this sudden urge to have some.. so i go to the break room where we have coffee.. mix in a bunch of creamer and a bunch of sugar.. the result... not the coffee we used to drink.. i don't think it can ever be that good... hahahah
• then as i sat here drinking my really sweet coffee and eating it with just plain bread... hahaha.. it made me think about my childhood.. i grew up in bolivia... so we used to have tea time... everyday.. and my maid( everyone had one) would make me coffee and bread... or she would bake something.. and make hot chocolate... that made me so happy... hahaha.. just sitting here eating my bread and coffee... so funny how a million thoughts can run through your head with just a taste, or just a smell of something...
• i'm so glad it's wednesday.. the middle of the week... almost the end... tonight i get to have dinner with some old college roomates.. i love our dinners.. they're always so fun.. i love how i'm completely satisfied in the thought that.. if i don't make any more friends for the rest of my life.. having them is more than enough... they mean so much to me.. and without them.. i don't think i would be who i am today..
• yesterday was our scrapbooking day... it's so sad.. that our tuesday nights always seem to pass by soo quickly... why???? the 2-3 hours we have.. don't even seem that long... it's so good for us... we relieve stress through it.. and it gives a chance to be more creative.. i'm so glad glo got me into this.. but i think... scrapbooking and us.. we were meant to be.. hahaha.. that sounds soo geeky.. but i don't really care what others think... i LOVE IT!!
• i have a month left of work... and then i'm free.. off to start my new career and life.. wow.. pretty scary... i haven't thought about it much... right out of college i started working here.. have learned many new things... and have finally realized that this is not for me.. it was a good journey... but i'm not to see it end.. because i know.. that when i become a teacher.. it will be so much more satisfying that this... people are meant to do certain things... god has made them to become certain people... and i think eventually... you end up doing just that... god is good..
• i'm excited today.. i'm going to go to michaels for lunch... cause they have paper on sale.. yay!!!! that makes me happy.. see glo used to work near me.. and we used to go together... i guess i'm going to have to go alone.. and then call her at the store... hahaha...

Confusion

It's been about 2 years since I have graduated from college. Looking back, so many things have changed and I have grown up some more. I can't believe that later this year I will be turning 25. I'm almost 25, and as I sit here and think what have I accomplished in my life, nothing seems to stand out. I have not found my love and my passion for life. What am I so scared about? What is holding me back? What do I want? What is it that God has planned in my life?

I don't think I have lived to the fullest each day. So now being stuck at a job that I can't see myself in for the rest of my life. A million thoughts come rushing to my head. I don't know how to sort them out and I don't know where to start. I guess my resignation is a good start. I know not every career is perfect, there are hard times and rough patches along the way. But I want to be able to do something that will make me feel like i'm needed and something that will make me happy. I am not happy sitting here, in my cubicle doing the same thing over and over and over again. I am made for so much more, I have so much I want to do. As I apply to graduate school and begin my path to become a teacher. I am really scared but at the same time looking forward to teaching. I think that it's always been in the back of my head, but I have never thought that I had it in me to do it. After two years of working, I have realized that Life isn't about the money you make. I could make all the money in the world and still not be satisfied with what I do. I want to enjoy what I do for the sake of doing it, not for the money I make. So going beyond the money, I want to be happy with what I do.

As much as I hate to admit it, I guess I have been forced to grow up. Life was so much more simple when I was in college, just thinking about what I had to do for the day. Now our conversations revolve around finances, and what our lives hold for us. We have such intense, serisous conversations about life, haha not that we didn't in college, but it's so different now. I guess life never really has any conclusions or exact ways of living it. You just have to deal with it as it comes along one step at a time. So as I let go and take a step toward my next career, I hope I can make it and that I have it in me to live my life to the fullest. I'm only 25, there will be plently of chances. Plenty of opportunities and plenty of surprises. God is good.